Empty Nest Network is delighted to feature my friend Pam Lamp in our Showcase. Pam offers us insights, ideas and advice for staying fully engaged in life as an empty nester. As you read about her, you’ll see how Pam’s “1,000 new things” idea was a catalyst for what she does today. Pam has a website that contains her feature articles and podcasts about a variety of people and things she encounters and learns about in Nashville and while traveling. Pam speaks with candor about her empty nest experience, and how she has reclaimed a sense of purpose while giving the world her warm and informative human-interest stories. She will inspire you!
Pam shares her empty nest journey:
The “NOW what?” moment
Pam vividly recalls the watershed moment when her sons both headed off to college. With a newly-empty nest, Pam thought: “NOW what?” She felt an unfamiliar void and no sense of what to do next with her life. The house felt especially empty since her husband worked in Nashville and commuted back to Houston only on weekends. Pam began filling her days with golf, MahJongg and bible study. She enjoyed the activities, yet the void remained.
Pam is a gregarious, active and intelligent woman. She knew she needed a lot of mental stimulation and something to help her break through “a kind of paralysis.” She’d taken writing courses in college and decided to start a business helping students with college application essays. Pam enjoyed her new endeavor.
“Love Nest”
There was an element of sweetness to this stage of Pam and her husband’s lives. As an empty nester she was free to come and go from Nashville to be with him. Her husband traded hotel stays there for a small apartment which Pam affectionately referred to as the “love nest” they chose together. Pam’s visits felt fun and uncomplicated for a while.
Going frequently back and forth between the two cities brought new struggles, though. While in Nashville Pam would miss her work, their friends and the way of life they’d loved in Houston. When in Houston she missed her husband, and their too-quiet house felt burdensome to manage. Pam’s business was affected by her absences. Then, their beloved family dog died.
Change Was Inevitable
The Lamp’s had a solid marriage, great kids and a nice way of life in Houston. Nashville could be seen as a kind of getaway, but things had grown complicated. They realized that a large-scale change was inevitable. After a few years of splitting lives between two cities the couple sold their Houston home and relocated to Nashville, trading their small apartment for a spacious high-rise condo.
Leaving Houston permanently wasn’t easy for Pam. “At first I was kind of fussing around for things to do in Nashville. It was hard to move and start over at age 56.” Pam said everyone was nice and welcoming there but they “had their own history.” They had their own deep ties like the Lamp’s had in Houston with friends who knew their family to the core through schools, volunteering and church. Naturally, Pam felt that much of what mattered had been left behind in Houston.
“1,000 New Things”
Pam wanted to build new relationships in Nashville and had an idea which would prove to be a life changer. “This idea came to me: I’m going to do 1 new thing every single day to help myself feel more involved. That was fun and it caused me to start talking more with people and embracing more about Nashville.” She set an ambitious goal of “1,000 new things” (large and small) to take her out of her comfort zone and the condo. (Watch for examples of Pam’s “1,000 new things” in our upcoming Conversations and Tips sections.)
“What do you do?”
Doing “one new thing every day” got Pam out and about, but she missed the sense of identity her business had provided. She felt uneasy when someone she’d meet would ask “What do you do?” and she had no answer.
When Pam told her husband how she felt, he posed the question: “If you could do anything you wanted to do, what would it be?” Pam was struck by this pointed yet open-ended question. The answer came to her right then and felt exciting: “I’d travel around and talk to people. I’d find out what they’re doing. What their story is. Then I’d write an article about them. I would really love that.”
Her husband replied, “Then I think you should do it.“ She wondered aloud, “Did I just say that? And who would read my stories?” He answered, “Who cares if no one reads them? Do this for yourself.”
“I was so excited about my idea that I started working on it the very next day,” Pam said. She decided to write about people she could learn something from and to share the stories as blogs on her own website. She was eager to tap into her past by doing what she’d loved before having children, which was working in human resources and interviewing people. She would combine her ideas: While out doing “one new thing” a day, she’d pursue topics for her stories.
The Yuck Factor
Pam got to work learning how to build a website for her stories which took time and had its challenges. She remembered something wise she’d read, “For things to be beneficial for you, you have to be willing to come into contact with ‘The Yuck Factor.’ It means you’re growing, and learning.”
Next, Pam joined her husband on a business trip to San Francisco where she looked for a story source.
Pam’s first few phone calls were unsuccessful and self-doubt crept in. She thought, “Who am I to be calling around asking for interviews? I was really sticking my neck out!” Then things began to happen. “I called the Golden Gate Fortune Cookie Company, said I was a writer from Nashville wanting to do a story and he [the manager] said he’d talk to me.”
Fortune Cookies, Anyone?
Pam arrived at the company the next day feeling more self-doubt. Would the man even remember he’d agreed to see her? Walking into his office she saw her name and interview time written in large letters on his white board. His family owned this small company and he was warm and welcoming. Pam said it felt special to see her name prominently on his calendar. He took a genuine interest in her website, showed her around and invited her to take photos. He gave her multiple bags of fortune cookies (which she enjoyed passing around to hotel staff on the next leg of her trip). Pam had her first story!
She was delighted to learn the company had proudly posted her article on their Facebook page and circulated it elsewhere. “What I’ve learned is that people feel good when you are interested in them and in their story”.
Pam admits the next few interviews were difficult to land. Once she finished her website and had more articles under her belt she gained legitimacy. “Now it’s not as hard to get people to say yes,” Including those at different levels of notoriety.
Adrenaline!
Hundreds of engaging stories later (and now Podcasts), with the confidence that comes from experience, Pam doesn’t let the word “No” affect her. She loves what she does. “A lot of people inspire me. I leave with a new sense of adrenaline!” One of her blogs is about the instructor of a sewing class she’d signed up for in Nashville. It turns out the woman makes clothes for country singing stars including Blake Shelton and Carrie Underwood. She was also Dolly Parton’s personal seamstress for years.
Pam also wrote about “Casting For Recovery,” a non-profit group that leads fly fishing retreats for breast cancer patients (Did you know that fly fishing movements can benefit the upper body after radiation and surgery?)
A favorite story of Pam’s is about the woman whose uplifting photos of her labradoodle and foster grandchild became wildly popular online and now benefit foster care, landing the woman on NBC Nightly News and UK’s Daily Mail:
Pam offers a variety of interesting stories about things like empty nest downsizing and letting go of stuff…..travel and food articles…….slaying the worry monster…..how to have a toxin-free home…..She’s interviewed an heirloomist, a human trafficking survivor, doctors to discuss things like cataracts and shingles…..She’s even interviewed a crime scene cleaner-upper. And she loves to review books.
Pam’s suggestions for empty nesters:
• She suggests that if you’re feeling a void and “on the fence” about something you think you’d like to take up, “Just dive off the board and do it.” One of Pam’s worries was “I’m too old to do this. It’s too late.” But she made the decision, “I’m just going to do it. For myself.”
• “We keep hearing we need to learn new things, need to keep expanding. Part of my own unhappiness in the beginning was that I didn’t have a project where I was learning things on a consistent basis. I needed something hard enough. I tried various things and did them as an exercise. I needed something where I would get up excited in the morning. My mother-in-law’s illness (Alzheimer’s) was a big motivation for me to move forward.”
• Pam has talked with other women in similar circumstances about the “What do you do?” social question that made her uneasy. She learned that “a lot of women in our positions face that. A lot of us.”
• “Don’t wait until things are perfect.”
• “My turning point was to start doing 1 new thing a day for 1,000 days. Doing that gave me the confidence to pursue my blog and I’ve kind of continued on that track. That was the kickstart I needed. I needed a reboot.”
I asked Pam about her husband’s empty nest experience. Since he had his career and was away from home often, she said, his adjustment did not mirror hers. But they both felt happier as a couple once Pam had found something to wrap her intellect and energies around.
Pam said she had considered returning to work full time like she did before her sons came along. “But my kids and both sets of our parents live out of state, and my husband travels often. I wanted to leave myself open to the possibility of going places.”
Pam loves what she’s doing in her empty nest years. She is pleased to have website visitors and enthusiastic responses to her blogs, which she also shares on social media. Her stories are getting the attention of different online publishers.
As you’ve noticed, Pam enjoys staying busy. She keeps up with writing classes and sewing lessons, volunteers in Nashville and has taken up swimming. “I love having so much going on that I don’t know what to do!” This includes enjoying her very first grandchild.
At this writing, the Empty Nest Network was delighted that Pam considered our interview her “998th new thing”!
We think you’ll agree that Pam Lamp sets a wonderful example for empty nesters because of her desire to keep a sense of being relevant and her motivation to act on ideas that have proven transformative for her.
Visit www.whoimettoday.com next to read Pam’s articles and listen to her podcasts.
(Photos in this article provided by Pam Lamp)
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